©2018 Clifford A. Davis, III
It’s cold as hell out here. Like that’s a surprise, 30F is supposed to be cold. Small snow flakes are falling. More like little flat ice crystals that seemed to disappear as soon as they touched something. It was like a heavy fog hung in the air. No matter how hard you blew your breath, there was fog coming out.
He was standing there, watching the weather happen. Dressed in an old overcoat. A hat, gloves and nice winter shoes. The one’s that keep your feet dry from the slush. Good sensible shoes. If you stood close enough to him, you could see where he had nicked himself when saving. In this weather, it was not oozing much blood. To darned cold. But he had cleaned up as if he were going to church. Which he had thought about but didn’t. He figured it would be closed. Didn’t matter to much anyway. What’s done is done. Can’t undo it now.
As he looked out at the weather, he thought, “Well dam son, you really reached out this time didn’t you. You had to go and try to talk to her. After all this time. A lot of good that did didn’t it. Bugger it, can’t say I didn’t try.” Turning and watching the birds flying in the snow, “not often you get to watch birds fly from the top side” he thought as he looked down at the water. “Dang, that is a long way down, I wonder if you can reach terminal velocity before you touch down.”
As he looked down at the water, he reached up and touched his cheek and realized yet again, maybe for the 10th time today, since he saw her, that he was crying. “Ah crap, again” he thought, understanding why. He remembered phrase from a song, “.. the first hardest thing I’ll ever do, is leaving here, without you…” and he sobbed. Over and over.
After a while it passed, and he was glad it was night and there was a lot of traffic, no one cared about this old man. Old, huh, that’s what she said, he was old. Hell, didn’t he know that. Ever since she had said it, it seemed everything had changed. He felt old. He felt used up. Without a reason to even try. And again, he cried.
A random thought passed through his head, “is it cold enough for my tears to freeze”? He laugh at his stupidity. And wiped away the wetness. “Just damn” he thought. “Just damn… ”
A startled bird followed him down a few feet…
He thought of the love he felt for her, … as he hit…
©2018 Clifford A. Davis, III
Only if I were as wise as I thought I was when I was 25. What a genius I would be today. Now it seems as though my aging body can’t keep up with my 40-year-old mind and 13 year old heart. What was the song with Michael McDonald, “what a fool believes”… who knows.
Sitting here in the middle of the night, peanut butter sammie sitting here, quart of diet coke waiting for attention. (Why could I never learn to like beer? It would sound so much cooler… ) Thinking of songs like “You got your heart broke” “I’m mister blue”
I turned 71 the other day, wishing I could invert those numbers… wonder if I could do it better this time. Might not have shot that guy, maybe would have just made him cry, was she worth it… I guess I will never know. Paid the price, maybe no one knows yet. It was such a long time ago. Boy, was she fine. Hell, everyone liked her… Me, it wasn’t enough for me…
Anyway, getting off subject here,… that wasn’t much of a deal, no need wasting time with it. Still think of her, wonder how she is. Hell, she’s probably 45 by now….
One thing I did learn, I learned about faithfulness. I learned about loyalty. I thought I knew about those things, being with so many people in dust ups of one type or another. Hell, a grizzled old buzzard like me, a knife fight here a gun fight there, you know who your partners are, who you can trust. Who you can walk through the nasty door with and who will be there with you. Silly me, I thought that was something you could bank on. Guess I was wrong.
I suppose, some how, some day, I will say I’m sorry. maybe, I’ll send flowers, huh, won’t be no signing that card.. They would start looking again… don’t need none of that. No sir…..
Used to was, I could lead my team over hill and dale, leap fences and climb up walls like a fly. Hell, now, I trip over the danged old curb. Hell, I even worry about falling down now more than I do about standing up.
Hell, you know you’re old when you wake up and inventory your moving parts to make sure you didn’t stroke out… any ways…. dang, I sure did love that girl… wish she was here now… dam.. just dam…